In middle school, I cannot remember which grade, I learned in my health class that the holidays could be tough for some people. We are talking statistics here, folks. Depression, stress, suicide. Words cannot begin to describe how confused that made me feel. I mean, it is Christmas!
Who does not love the smell of a real Christmas tree in their house? The evenings I would turn off the TV and the lights and only had the Christmas lights on and look at the tree as the soft glow illuminate the room. You cannot forget about the Christmas music, movies, and caroling. Driving around town to look at all the houses with decorations and Christmas lights on them. How about the community events where Santa Claus would be attending? I think I would always ask for a puppy, silly. Who else remembers those torturous Christmas Eve nights when you had to go to sleep but you could not because you were anticipating Santa?! Then, when you would wake up waaaaaaaay too early and had to figure out how to fall back asleep. But nothing beats that mad dash for the living room with your siblings when your parents gave you the green light. We would have gift wrapping paper flying up into the air and moved onto the next gift before the gift wrapping paper hit the ground. You could not even see the floor by the end because there was wrapping paper, boxes, and bows (oh my!) all over the place.
How could any of that make someone sad?
Ignorance is bliss.
Well...life happens.
Parents divorce. Loved ones die. Families are divided because of grief and pain. Bills. Stress. Little money. More stress. Those are just some things that were hard for my family growing up. Some people had it worse! Everyone has a story. Everyone reacts differently to their hardships. Some people are very sensitive and others just go with the flow. Some people get stuck and others bounce back.
It was not until the last 8 plus years that Christmas really began to mean something different to me. I was battling with my own depression to begin with because my boyfriend at the time was just a big tortured jerk. He hated Christmas and for whatever reason he did not have it in him to make an effort for me, someone who loved it in spades. I began to really stress out when my girlfriends would share what their partners got them for Christmas. Some gifts were homemade, modest, or extravagant. When it was my turn to share, I had nothing. I was happy for them but I felt embarrassed and hurt. In my culture, having a man that showers you with gifts is a positive thing. It signifies that 1) they can financially do so and 2) they can take care of you 3) It is just thoughtful, period. I try not to focus on materialism but it bugs me when no gestures are made and no traditions are created. On top of that, the holidays always made him lash out at me.
Our last Christmas together he finally did something grand and he flew me out to meet his family. It meant a lot to me and felt like great big step and it was my first time on an airplane. He took care of everything I needed while I was out there but when we said goodbye it felt off and within a few months we broke up. The following Christmas he broke my heart all over again when I found out he was not only dating someone for months (he told me he needed to be single for a while, liar) but he was also taking her back home to meet his family and friends. From then on, I could not listen to certain songs or movies because it hurt too much and I simply just did not care what we did for the holidays.
Then I just continued to date guys that hated Christmas and they never wanted to do anything on New Years Eve. If there is one thing I cannot stand is life passing me by! I would have loved and still want to meet someone who does not get down because of the holidays. Someone who wants to go to parties, dance, laugh, sing, eat good food, and be around great company. Instead, I just stay at home. It sucked and I just learned not to get excited or hope for things because my expectations would never be met and I would be so sad.
Two years ago the man of my dreams (who turned out to be the biggest fake ever) absolutely crushed me right before Christmas. It was a different kind of pain that I had never experienced before in my dating life. Maybe because I was now older and wiser and knew what I wanted. It took me practically a year to honestly heal from that experience. Last year my entire family were sick as dogs! I did not even get a chance to stress or worry about the holidays. In fact, we rang in the New Year with the East Coast because we were so sick. It seems like I have a bad Christmas one year, a whatever Christmas the next year, then bad, then whatever, then horrible, then whatever. However, this year, I decided that I was going to take back Christmas. Enough is enough.
Happiness is a verb after all!
I have to say first off that I am, by no means, a professional! For some reason, you graced me with your time, and for whatever reason this topic interested you. We all experience some real loses and pain in this life. I am sorry if you are trying to deal with the loss of a loved one, have had your heart broken, experienced illness, financial troubles, etc. Sometimes it helps if you first figure out what you truly are experiencing. This post is for those pesky, preventable, in comparison minor holiday blues. I truly encourage you with a warm hug to find out if you are in fact feeling those pesky holiday blues or actual depression. Click here and speak to your doctor if you are experiencing any of those symptoms and much love, light, and healing to you.
With that said, here is my rule and 6 tips to beat the Bah Humbug's this year!
New Dating Rule: No more men who hate Christmas. If you cannot have fun. Get out of here! That is now on the deal breaker list!
- Make the choice to take Christmas back! This one has helped me out tremendously this year. Create playlists of your favorite Christmas songs, watch the movies you enjoy, decorate the house. Get psyched! Talk about it! Take pictures and share with your friends of how you are making the choice to have a great holiday.
- Service. Sign up at a soup kitchen, gather donations for the hungry and the homeless, play with puppies or kittens, help a neighbor. There is nothing like service! Forget yourself and get to work.
- Socialize. Call up people you feel safe around and do something fun. Buy a package of sugar cookies and bake/decorate. Bonus point if you deliver some to the cute guy next door! Go out Christmas caroling with friends. Meet up at Starbucks for some peppermint hot chocolate and have girl talk or stay in and watch some movies with your friends at your house. Whatever you do, do not stay at home alone to bottle it up. Doing nothing makes it worse, I know from experience. There is nothing wrong with alone time either but make sure it is healthy. Self-care is always productive.
- Focus on your health. I know I drink a lot less water during the winter. My skin does not get a lot of sun anymore because I bundle up and stay indoors. Not to mention the days are shorter which has always bummed me out. All these things wreak havoc on my health. So eat healthier, workout regularly, drink that high quality h2o, get lots of sleep, and try to take advantage of the sun. However, you are talking to a spoiled California girl here and I am sure that is much easier for me compared to other parts of the country/world. Besides, you never know who you will meet at the gym, on the track, or in the produce section. Maybe a new best friend or a handsome gentleman.
- Gratitude. Count your blessings. Name them one by one. Gratitude is so powerful and is a game changer. Without gratitude you miss out on so much happiness, joy, success, growth, etc.
- Change or make new traditions. Maybe, for whatever reason, some things are just too raw for you right now. Maybe you lost someone very dear to you and I am sorry for that. Maybe someone moved away and now things are not the same for you. Mix things up and do things a little differently so you are still celebrating but in a way that will not hurt your heart.
That is my list and I am sticking to it. I am also going to let expectations go this year. It sure has robbed me of a lot of joy but that is another blog post!
Thanks for reading!
No comments:
Post a Comment